Living up to your own standards

I've recently become blatantly aware of the duality I live with. I think we all have growth we'd like to achieve or a vision of the person we'd like to become. This journey is definitely a constant. But how can one live so far out of touch with the the ideals they believe in?

I believe in Love

But I am so unloving. People like to pretend that love is easy. And when I say that my faith of choice is to live out the Love Jesus taught about without necessarily adopting all of the doctrine of the Christian religion people do not hold back with what they think. "Hippie" is a title I'm attributed quite often and hypocrite is another. Somehow the thought is "You're just picking the easy parts of faith." And I have got to say, Love is in NO WAY easy. The feeling of Love is easy. Emotions come with little work. However the actions of Love are ridiculously hard.

My Love has been tested over and over again recently. Living with your boyfriend causes lots of trials and tests and a GIANT MIRROR held up to your ability to love another. And there staring back at me was this woman, selfish and biting, prideful and unforgiving. In those moments hypocrisy reigns supreme and I wonder how I can live so far off my home base.

I am painfully self aware. How did this creep passed my over ruminating nature? It left me jaw-dropped and speechless.

Then something great also happened. I snapped my mouth shut, started up the engines of my mind and realized I'm still a pretty amazing person. I may not have Love all figured out. I may lose my cool, throw things and cry uncontrollably(sometimes)but I also realize when I've done a poor job at loving that day.

The effort is what matters most. And I am never done trying. I will most likely never live up to being the perfect embodiment of Love but I will try forever to get as close as possible. This calling is hard however the alternative is harder to live with. As Martin Luther King Jr. said:

"I have decided to stick with Love, Hate is too great a burden to bear."

So today I tell myself: Bite your tongue, doubt the negative, & let things go.

How can you Love better today?

Here I Am!

I think my roommate is trying to tell me something...

It's been over a month.

Lots of thoughts have entered my brain however none seemed "interesting enough" for this place. Which is a telling charactaristic. I want to be an interesting person. And when it comes down to it, I've been bored with myself lately.

I hadn't been dreaming big or doing any grand schemeing.

"What's new?" was always answered with, "Nothing much."

So here I am. With not much to say, yet still knowing my life is full no matter what season I am in.

And perhaps blogging is a way to make those dreams come alive. Just maybe my zest for joyful living works hand in hand with the refreshing reminders of what those ideas are by writing about them here. So I have done myself a great disservice.

No more of that poppycock.

So here is a summary of my life in bullet point list form:

* I moved in with my boyfriend in December (after only a month of dating...yep)
* My company was sold and I may be facing lay-off
* I discovered a love for the Mindy Project due to the fact that we are pretty much the same person.
* I want a red panda SO bad and am trying to come up with a way to make this legal
* I have decided to audition again. Les Miserable auditions are fast approaching and unprepared is an understatement
* Benedict Cumberbatch is my new celebrity crush *drool*
* I have realized what true friendship is
* I have come to the conclusion that living genuinely means owning that some of what you preach is a false indication of who you really are...(WHOLE BLOG POST TO COME)
* I have decided to obtain my Real Estate License! I'm SUPER excited
* I have gained close to 20 lbs. Yaay Love! See Also: SARCASM
* I now know I am capable of letting go. And that I don't need to hold on to things that no longer add to my life. (Also something that could use a deeper look)
* Creativity is DRASTICALLY MISSING from my life.
* I had my first orgasm during sex. So magical and amazing.
* I have been having a love affair with David Tutera and his gift of wedding event planning
* I haven't done laundry...literally since probably before my last blog. And I still have clean underwear.
* There are cupcakes in the Newsroom and I must go partake!

I promise to blog more. If not for my readers, for my own sense of purpose and fulfillment.

,# <-- Was meant to be <3