Getting rid of my "But"

I try really really hard to be a good person. I try to be loving and kind and giving and as patient as possible. And to constantly grow and learn to improve these skill sets. Because, in my opinion, they are skill sets. We are not born these ways. It takes rearing and learnin' to achieve them.

And every once in a while I realize, "Krystle, Here's a place that can use some improving."

I realized a while ago I have a problem with, "but". I'm sorry...But. I understand...But. I Love you...But. Etc....But.

A couple years ago I felt I had conquered the Apology "But". However, <-- see what I did there? ;) It was just the beginning of this war between Me (selfishness) and Unconditional giving. You see there is this crazy need to make my point known. It starts in my gut and heightens in intensity when it gets to my heart. My mind then tells my frantic heart that it better say something, because it doesn't want to get all trampled on and used. "If you don't say how you FEEL about this, they are just going to walk all over you in the future. You better make it known that they need to understand you and where you are coming from. You can say you get their point of view..." *verbal blurt* BUT...!

It's like I'm doing myself some disservice if I don't attach the "But" in there. I am fully aware that this is a selfish way of thinking/acting. It doesn't feel this way in the moment, though. It feels more like self preservation. When it's all said and done and I go back and re-think it all (because I'm a woman and that's what I do) I am never happier because I threw my opposing and negating point in there.

That last sentence really sums it up. It is not a genuine apology if you must throw what they did at them. It negates your understanding if you then say you see it differently. And it belittles the Love you are trying to show if you make someone feel that they need to do something better to earn it.

So, I have learned today that I need to get rid of my "but". This feeling is a hard one to ignore in the moment, BUT it needs to be. I'm not saying I'm not going to give my opinions and be who I am. It's just in certain instances You learn that everyone is different. It doesn't matter whether you feel/think/act differently than them. They exist to do what they feel/think/act and no amount of "But-ing" is going to change that. You just have to go about existing the way you do and strive for harmony and Love regardless.

Choking down that tear enducing Feeling of injustice to myself is going to be VERY VERY HARD. It needs to be done though. Because I want the people in my life to be free of guilt and shame and know fully that I love them.