Sometimes...

Sometimes...Your best friend is getting married.

You experienced a love story unfold in front of you. You got to be there when those first emails made her giggle. She would call you when her girlish ways would make her doubt her sanity (as it does for us all) She would move to be near him and you would wonder if that was a good idea. You would swallow your doubts when she gushed about the delicate way he handles her heart. And you would know she was gonna spend the rest of her life with him it was just a matter of time. And then it happens. And you spend the last 3 months in a Crazy Beautiful, Busy Poor, & Lovely Stressed state for her big day...Sometimes

Sometimes...You don't want to fall in love.

Despite the love you've witnessed the aches you experienced make you want to stay single. You know it's easy here. No one to answer to. You spend months being solidly solitary. Bravely by yourself. Heroicly healing. You are positive that the reason you want to be alone has to do with not being hurt. But then...

Sometimes...You just don't want to hurt someone else

You learn that the reason you want to be alone has less to do with a gaurd against others but protecting them from you. You are afraid that if you love again that horrible version of you will resurface. You do not like her. You rather loathe her. She lives in a world of expectation and cries a lot. Her daggered tongue is so uncomfortable in your mouth & biting it hurts two-fold. You know she has been put away, but you are still afraid of her reach...sometimes.

Sometimes...You don't want to get out of the car

You think about her and how you don't want to fall in love. You are convinced it will only end badly. If banter is clever and interest is piqued you may lose the control you've sustained. Intellect is a boulder next to a deep ravine that you will surely trip on. You may be irresistible and whitty. You may not feel the same. You may have to let someone down. You don't like the idea of that. You contemplate leaving. People do it all the time. "My car wouldn't start", "I'm not feeling well." The excuses flood in as you stare at the tree in front of you. You force yourself out of the car...sometimes.

Sometimes...Everything changes

Or doesn't. Or seems to have. Or you aren't sure but you like it for now. In a week your best friend will be married. A week ago your gaurd was disarmed. Who knows what 2 weeks from now will bring, but life is always everything...sometimes.