Searching for Validiity

I do this thing where I get upset. It's a normal occurence, right. I mean we all have feelings and emotions and expectations. We all exist differently and when two worlds collide there is bound to be a little bit of uncomfort sometimes. I know all this, and yet...

I NEVER FEEL VALID WHEN I GET UPSET.

EVER!

I always feel like I'm being silly or "crazy" or ridiculous. That my emotions and brain have done it again. Gone against me to make yet another person think, "Maybe (so and so) was right.." and "I'm outta here"

I've learned to infuse logic into my life. To talk myself down off emotional ledges. However when you've had 2 people that knew you more than anyone else in the world walk away because you (and your emotions) made them miserable, you tend to not trust those wacky things with the fervor you once knew.

I have issues, man. Serious, Deep-rooted ones. We all do, I know.

Right now, living with intention is helping me through this. Helping me know when what I'm feeling is valid. But it is definitely not easy. In the deep caverns of my mind, saying how I feel equates to people leaving.

So I am doing ok. I am implementing the things I write about here (ACTION BLOG WHAT UP?!!) But sometimes when I'm sick and pms-ing and miscommunication happens, I fall asleep crying.

However, I wake up the next day and instead of moping or perseverating, I decide that I am entitled to what I felt but that it is a new day. One where I realize where I went wrong but don't take all the guilt.

If you always feel invalid and take on blame you are left with an empty shell, becaues you just keep bending and giving and having lumpy rugs with lots of stuff underneath. So I am not doing it. I am not vomiting emotion, but not sweeping it away when it is important either.

Sometimes I learn. Sometimes I find validity in myself. Working on making that all the times.