Make Someone Happy

"...Make just one someone happy;

Make just one heart the heart you sing to.

One smile that cheers you,

One face that lights when it nears you"

 

This past weekend I was blessed and honored to share in one of the most important days in my best friend's life. She got married to someone who handles her heart with care. Who lifts her up and makes her feel supported. Someone whose love for her is so apparent even from 200 miles away. And someone who makes her happy.

 

There were lots of babies at this wedding. Her nephew was one of them. He is quite adorable, that one.  As we were prepping the favors he was the center of attention. As most babies are in a room full of women. And I noticed one clear directive from everyone...to make him smile. Whether it was by a tickle or a game of peek-a-boo, a funny voice or an "airplane" ride. All we wanted was to hear his laugh.

 

I came to the conclusion that this is one of the most basic forms of love communication. To see another smile. However as life goes on and people age, the urgency in our efforts to make this so diminish. We get wrapped up in our own lives we no longer see a new human and want to do something to make them laugh. At least, I'd say, a good majority of people.

 

It is the people in this world who still do this, who aren't afraid to look silly and desire to work for a smile, that I am most enthralled by. They have held on to something that we can only tap into when children are around, and for some, not even then. These people do not neccesarily have to be comedians. They can simply be a kind heart who offers a smile and genuine friendly candor, or a constant stream of encouragement. But they are all open and desire joy in another.

 

Lets remember this when talking to grown-up humans. I'm pretty certain that they enjoy smiling as much as babies do and it makes you feel good to make someone happy. As the song says:

 

"Make someone happy,

Make just one someone happy,

And you will be happy, too."

Sometimes...

Sometimes...Your best friend is getting married.

You experienced a love story unfold in front of you. You got to be there when those first emails made her giggle. She would call you when her girlish ways would make her doubt her sanity (as it does for us all) She would move to be near him and you would wonder if that was a good idea. You would swallow your doubts when she gushed about the delicate way he handles her heart. And you would know she was gonna spend the rest of her life with him it was just a matter of time. And then it happens. And you spend the last 3 months in a Crazy Beautiful, Busy Poor, & Lovely Stressed state for her big day...Sometimes

Sometimes...You don't want to fall in love.

Despite the love you've witnessed the aches you experienced make you want to stay single. You know it's easy here. No one to answer to. You spend months being solidly solitary. Bravely by yourself. Heroicly healing. You are positive that the reason you want to be alone has to do with not being hurt. But then...

Sometimes...You just don't want to hurt someone else

You learn that the reason you want to be alone has less to do with a gaurd against others but protecting them from you. You are afraid that if you love again that horrible version of you will resurface. You do not like her. You rather loathe her. She lives in a world of expectation and cries a lot. Her daggered tongue is so uncomfortable in your mouth & biting it hurts two-fold. You know she has been put away, but you are still afraid of her reach...sometimes.

Sometimes...You don't want to get out of the car

You think about her and how you don't want to fall in love. You are convinced it will only end badly. If banter is clever and interest is piqued you may lose the control you've sustained. Intellect is a boulder next to a deep ravine that you will surely trip on. You may be irresistible and whitty. You may not feel the same. You may have to let someone down. You don't like the idea of that. You contemplate leaving. People do it all the time. "My car wouldn't start", "I'm not feeling well." The excuses flood in as you stare at the tree in front of you. You force yourself out of the car...sometimes.

Sometimes...Everything changes

Or doesn't. Or seems to have. Or you aren't sure but you like it for now. In a week your best friend will be married. A week ago your gaurd was disarmed. Who knows what 2 weeks from now will bring, but life is always everything...sometimes.

I Love our banter Future Husband

Hi Handsome.

I love that you play along. When I offer that Pokey is a distinguished gentleman, you add on that we need to get him a top hat as soon as possible. And then we start trying out what we think he would sound like if he could really talk.

At first it starts out British. Because when we think distinguished we think Brit's. You say something like, "I would  be much obliged, Sir, if you would kindly escort me to the garden. As I have some business to attend to there." We laugh and then I kiss you because you are SO cute when you try to do accents.

I continue that maybe he speaks with a more Southern dialect. Like a classy plantation owner. "I do say, young man, that there leash aint gonna walk itself. How's about we take a stroll around. See what kind of trouble we can get into."

"But one that wasn't mean. He didn't have slaves. He would never do something like that. He treated all his workers equally," you would say. And I would, of course, agree. Pokey is too kind for that.

Except not really, He is a ferocious little pup. But that doesn't matter because we are having too much fun finishing eachother's thoughts and writing a joint story.

I love creating a world with you. In fiction and in real life.

We look over at Pokey and he is deep in the throws of passionate love with that pillow we keep meaning to throw away. We laugh. So much for the distinguished gentleman.

"Maybe a Porn Star," you say

"No, you'd be such a stage dad," I reply

You look at me with a still smile. One that says, "I couldn't be more content in this moment. You are adorable and make me laugh. And all I want to do kiss you a million times." And even though I read that from your smile, I smile back and ask "What?" You say, "Nothing." And then you kiss me.

Don't talk about it, Be about it

Ralphy Boy here is one of my absolute faves. His words always seem to resonate in all the corners of my being. I quote him often and say things like, "He's my fave," all the time. Sadly though, I have yet to read a whole work of his. I don't own one book by him. I know quotes. As far as my knowledge goes though the context could be crazy off. That quote could continue on to say, "...So stop theorizing about punching babies and just do it."

I realized after my last post that I talk and think a lot of things. And to some, including myself, reading about how someone should be living their life and not ever reading how she has actually implemented these things could be repetitive and not so much fun to read about. Granted, if by some miracle my realizations inspire others to take action, I could count this blog a win. However, what is an inspirer or a life lived soley in your mind?

I used to utterly loathe the term, "Actions speak louder than words." An Ex friend would say it ALL THE TIME. She would use it to prove herself right in situations. Stating that my words meant nothing. I would argue that my words reflect my heart and though I was working on changing it didn't mean that the words were void. WORDS ARE MY LIFE (to quote Never Been Kissed)

I have come to believe that neither words nor actions alone can prove a heart's desire or life's passion. It is the combined effort of both that create a fully intentional life.

So it's time I DO. BE the version of myself in my head. I don't have to travel to Africa to help people in need. I don't have to travel to be cultured. I don't have to move to New York and make cozy with the hip underground thespians to start acting again.

And most importantly I will never find community in other places until I find it right here. I say I want to live in harmony and be all hippie beatnik-y but the truth is I don't play well with others. Sure I'm a great friend. I will be there for you and listen and tell you how amazing you are. BUT bother me when I'm sleeping or have the audacity to be home with all the lights on when all I want to do is go to sleep and I'm all kinds of annoyed. This is not comprimise. This is not harmonious living. I'm rather Bitchy, guys. Seriously.

My point is this. I keep this picturesque life in my head perhaps because owning that I could live it out right here, right now, would mean giving up selfishness. Releasing control. And erasing ideals.

So to force my life into reality (Other than being in Love with Norman Reedus, that will be a constant. That man does something to me) I am vowing to have at least 2 action blogs a month. Recounting an action I've taken to live my best life. This will be both affirming and show me the progess I've made.

I'd love to hear what actions you've taken to be fully present and achiev-y in YOUR life! Did you take time to be grateful? Pay your bills even though you didn't want to? Eat a Salad instead of a Burger? Everything counts People! And I am quite good at encouragement so share away and let me praise your efforts!

If you want to know why sharing is good and why having me say how awesome you are is good for you read Eleni's Post  from today!



I Need To Come Alive

Two Days ago I felt a bit infinite. I had this crazy idea on how to save money to travel and tackle my dreams. I was weary to share it because it seemed so insane. I then saw two life-affirming "go for that hard, crazy, impossible, fall-on-your face thing" posts on the Facebook and I thought it was a sign that I was onto something.

Then I shared it. I was told it was too silly and I'd hate it and I needed to find another way. Now, don't go bashing the person who said this. She just cares about me. But I'm not gonna lie. It knocked me down a bit.

Then my car died.

Then it started again.

Then I found out that I'm broke. (This with a bridal shower I'M supposed to be throwing for my best friend approaching)

Then my best friend told me she is going to start dating the most popular guy from our senior class whom I had a celebrity-esque crush on. (which shouldn't bother me, it just makes me feel worse for some reason. Not because I want the guy. AT ALL. But because it just reminds me how much I want to get out of here.)
Then my car died again.

And I felt stuck. Haulted. Unable to tackle my dreams. I don't know how to plan. I'm a talented person. I sing, I act, I write, I stalk. I am relatively ok at making people feel apprecaiated. But I can't get my dreams off the ground. I have a vision and 2 days ago I felt free and amazing for taking mental steps to see them through.

Today I realized I have never adopted structure of any kind in my life. Seriously. Every single day is different. Maybe today I'll do the dishes. Maybe today I'll hang out with my friends. Maybe today I'll make my bed. MAYBE today I'll practice my guitar. Probably today, because I have no concrete plans, I will watch How I Met Your Mother and Norman Reedus videos all day and lay in bed. (Actually today I am going to watch Singing In The Rain with one of my dearest friends, so that might be tomorrow)

Do I enjoy this? In the moment, sure. NPH is hilarious and Norman is dreamy. But like I read in Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman,

"What would happen if my entire life were made up of such easy pleasures, never calling on my strengths, never presenting challenges? Such a life sets one up for depression. The strengths and virtures may wither during a life of taking shortcuts rather than choosing a life made full through the pursuit of gratifications." 

And I'm finally ready to work hard. Take a leap and fall. But without a road map, I'm disgustingly scared. What if I wind up homeless. What if I get stranded in a foreign country. I have a hard time networking and asking for help. So what if I'm in Bangledesh without a penny to my name because I lost my backpack and no way to contact anyone? My brain stops me in my tracks. "You can't do this." is always on repeat in the background. I try to ignore it. But hearing it from anyone else turns it up to blaring and I concede that it must be true.

I WANT NEED TO TRAVEL

I WANT NEED TO WORK ON A FARM

I WANT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT

I WANT NEED TO ACT

I WANT NEED TO SING IN A BAND

I WANT NEED TO BECOME A GREAT WRITER

I need these things because they will fulfill my soul. And a fulfilled soul is a productive member of society. As Howard Thurman says: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Im ready to come alive and be impressed with myself.

My roommate has suggested I cut all ties. If I want to be a feral human, roots need to be upped. But the idea of ridding myself of all my possesions and leaving my pup seems near impossible.

And this is why I'm stuck. I'm in between craving the life of a nomad and enjoying the life I have built and the people in it.

My head is spinning.

Any suggestions on how to quench wanderlust and tackle dreams. I'm all ears.

...And in that moment, I swear we were INFINITE

There was a time when I felt this way. Sometimes I still see glimpses of it. But it was those times with my best friends by my side that we were INFINITE.

We had just graduated highschool and were learning life much like Charlie. We lived life with wild abandon and with enough childlike wonder to make our transition into adulthood the most fullfilling, beautiful, invigorating experience we could imagine.

We were poor. We lived at home. I remember we all shared the book; each taking turns reading it. I was the last and I remember feeling left out when they would talk about it before I was finished.

You know that image of standing up in a convertible as it travels down a long strech of deserted highway with your arms up and maybe a scarf or just your hair blowing in the wind? That is what my life was like at that time. Full yet empty. Empty in that there was so much room for dreams and so much time to see them come true.

On any given weekend you could find us hitting the road to see our favorite artists perform in dank small venues; their sweat and ours creating a humid room filled with the joy of music and comraderie. Their art was true and real and not manufactured for the masses. At times there were a handful of fellow appreciators, at others a steady stance was needed to manuever the waves of the surging crowd. EVERY TIME was perfect. Even when I was kicked in the head or had a foot stepped on. I look back and think, "Perfection"

One time I actually lost my job to follow an Art/Music tour called Attention to Expression around California. I remember getting the call right before the last show of the tour saying if I wasn't at work the next morning I should just not show up again. Seeing as it was 7p and I was in San Francisco there was no way I was not going inside to watch the last night of that beautiful display. So I just didn't show up. I sat inside front and center and teared up as Matt Embree crooned solo on his acoustic guitar and thought to myself, "There is no where I'd rather be. I made the right choice."

Obviously at 30 I can no longer do things on such careless whim. Work is kind of important and I am no longer able to just crash on a friends parents' couch til I can find a job.

And with time the relationships that helped form me. The love that helped me know what I love was wounded. And we no longer spend long afternoons together. But that's ok. Because as the book says:

"Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody"

Life hasn't stopped and the memories have never faded. I love those times and when I think of who I'd like to be; that girl, the one who felt infinite, says:

"You can feel that way again."

A year abroad without leaving home.

So I had this wild idea the other day. I recently started hosting couch surfers. It has been a blast, though I have been mostly unprepared. Anyhoo, the thought crossed my mind that we here in the NO (Fresno, Ca for those not as hip to our awesome lingo) are very culturally diverse. We have all kinds of beautiful amazingly creative and ethnicly different individuals here. And I'd LOVE to absorb their passion about what makes them...them!

So this is a plea to anyone who will listen to say let me in, take me on a journey to your country, artform, Zen place, religious temple and allow me to absorb and appreciate the lovely differences between us all.

Thank You in Advance!

Krystle