20 ways to stay YOU when in a relationship. (I'm still learning)

So the boy and I have moved at rapid paces. Space/Time continuums and sound barriers have been broken and shaken and the world has "flipped turned upside down." Love is crazy cool, but keeping balance is neccessary as well. So here I am with a few tips on how to stay sane and whole when a whirlwind sweeps you off your feet.

1. Go out with your girlies as often as possible (And not just when he is busy playing video games)

2. Get dolled up (Just cause you landed a guy doesn't mean you should stop feeling frilly and pretty)

3. Watch all the movies and veg out as much as you want. (He doesn't have to join you. cuddles would be nice but are not mandatory)

4. Being bratty doesn't get your way but being confident and taking action does.

5. READ MORE. Expand your mind.

6. Keep focus on those BIG things you had in mind before he walked in. (CASA volunteering, Travelling, Saving the world etc.)

7. Balance interests. Don't take up all his activities and never ask him to share in your funs.

8. Sing as loud as possible as often as possible.

9. Dance parties are imperative to a healthy life. (It's science)

10. Smile more than you frown. (The prettiest girls are happy girls)

11. It's ok to get upset though. We have feelings. Dudes need to deal.

12. Wear Red Lipstick (And make him kiss you)

13. Wear heels (Even if it means being taller than him)

14. Keep planning your ideal future. If he is "the one"(which I don't believe in) he'll fit there. You won't have to change your dreams to suit him.

15. Read your blog from when you turned 30(or any list of goals). Do more of that!

16. Love him for who he is. (Not who you think he can be or who you want him to be)

17. If you find #16 hard. Let him find someone who can love him that way. You'll both be unhappy if you don't.

18. Love yourself for who you are. When/If you have disagreements don't crumble. Know that the same goes for him. If he doesn't love you just as you are someone else will. No hard feelings, just truth.

19. Be grateful. Tell him.

20. Wake up every morning and smile. Then continue the day doing more things to keep that smile there. Those things...they are what make you, You. So just keep doing them :)

**Sidenote**
My fella is amazing. Loving him is easy and I don't ever feel like I need to change. 16-18 were from past experiences :)

An open letter to those who love me. (And who care to read)

"Jump. Leap. Embrace. Experience. Feel. Hope. Relinquish. Forgive. Love!"

For the past year I have yearned for a life of adventure. I have molted. I have shed insecurities and gained strength. I have become more self aware. I have learned to Love better. I have not lost myself. I have not become easily swayed. I have not lost intention.

With this new person I am forming I have chosen a path that is exciting and new. Doubt isn't allowed here. Critical thinking is a constant but it is coupled with loving kindness.

For once in my entire life I am jumping in. Embracing what will come. Experiencing something I deserve. Allowing myself to feel all the giddy, girlish, happy, lovely, sweet, wonderful feelings. Letting hope fill the air and permeate my home. I am relinquishing all fear and breaking the walls. I am forgiving the past and only looking forward to the future. And I am absolutely and completely in-LOVE

Life is this crazy mix of wonder and hurt. Both are inevitable. But to guard against either one and not allow them their due course in your life is to deprive oneself.

I am learning to embrace it all. Heartbreak from lost friends. Hugs from my neices and nephews. Inflicted Guilt. A first Kiss. A text from a friend that makes me smile. Misunderstandings that lead to tears. ALL OF IT!

I do not go into any of it with a notion that life will be perfect or that it will be easy. I am simply embracing the option to open myself up. Completely.

I am starting a new journey. It is weird and fast and splendidly amazing. I love those who love me but want you to know I will be ok. I am strong and wise and can get through a lot. Especially because I have people like you who care so much.

But I beg of you to trust me. Know that I do not enter into anything without thinking. Thinking is what I do. But along with that is a heart of whimsy. An adventureous spirit and a longing for a story to tell. I am writing my story and this chapter is going to be fantastical, I promise.

"...Living is Grand."

Searching for Validiity

I do this thing where I get upset. It's a normal occurence, right. I mean we all have feelings and emotions and expectations. We all exist differently and when two worlds collide there is bound to be a little bit of uncomfort sometimes. I know all this, and yet...

I NEVER FEEL VALID WHEN I GET UPSET.

EVER!

I always feel like I'm being silly or "crazy" or ridiculous. That my emotions and brain have done it again. Gone against me to make yet another person think, "Maybe (so and so) was right.." and "I'm outta here"

I've learned to infuse logic into my life. To talk myself down off emotional ledges. However when you've had 2 people that knew you more than anyone else in the world walk away because you (and your emotions) made them miserable, you tend to not trust those wacky things with the fervor you once knew.

I have issues, man. Serious, Deep-rooted ones. We all do, I know.

Right now, living with intention is helping me through this. Helping me know when what I'm feeling is valid. But it is definitely not easy. In the deep caverns of my mind, saying how I feel equates to people leaving.

So I am doing ok. I am implementing the things I write about here (ACTION BLOG WHAT UP?!!) But sometimes when I'm sick and pms-ing and miscommunication happens, I fall asleep crying.

However, I wake up the next day and instead of moping or perseverating, I decide that I am entitled to what I felt but that it is a new day. One where I realize where I went wrong but don't take all the guilt.

If you always feel invalid and take on blame you are left with an empty shell, becaues you just keep bending and giving and having lumpy rugs with lots of stuff underneath. So I am not doing it. I am not vomiting emotion, but not sweeping it away when it is important either.

Sometimes I learn. Sometimes I find validity in myself. Working on making that all the times.

Falling with Precision

I have always thought of falling in love as this out-of-control descent. One where you lose all sensibility and to quote Lorelai Gilmore, "It all comes out in stupid."

I thought I was in-love before. And I did exhibit these traits. I lost my sense of self in the process. EVERY TIME. My sole happiness was in this person. I would imagine the fictional life we would create together, which was never based in reality. i.e.

"We are going to have a bunch of kids and be like the Von Trapp family. Music will fill our home."

I told myself this about my best friend...Who is a GAY.

 OR

"We are going to have a white picket fence and get married and have a life of adventure."

That lie was about my much younger boyfriend who cringed at the thought of marriage and spontaneity stressed him out.

AND

"I should start looking for jobs in the bay area to be near him"

My highschool boyfriend who made it very clear that this reunion we were involved in was casual and did not constitute a relationship.

I was in such desperate need for joy and an escape from my humdrum life that I imagined these scenarios in hopes that I would be whisked away to a life unlike mine. Filled with contentment and everything my heart desired.

Then one day, about a year ago, I realized I needed to make my life exactly what I wanted. I needed to wake up each morning happy with the life I was creating. One where I wouldn't need an escape anymore, but rather, a man who simply added to the already happy life I was living.

And that was approximately the time this blog started. It was the start of a life changing, Happiness capturing, Joy permeating journey. I started learning how wonderful this life is. How amazing I really have it. What a gift it is to be loved so much and to be able to share my love in return. I found, and am finding, what my strengths are and feeling all kinds of fulfilled when I am actively using them. I AM WHOLE!

I don't need a "better" half. Or someone to complete me.

So as I sit here...falling. I liken it more to a bungee jumper, or a hang glider. There is the danger of getting hurt. And this is the biggest thrill I have ever experienced. I'm not asking the million questions I usually do and I'm not being hyper-analytic. So I'm losing my sensibilities in that way, but my life is beautiful and I am tethered to it. My identity is not found in another but in the world I have built up around me. I'd like for him to be a part of that. A BIG part of that. I'd like for him to take the pen and write some of it too.

But that's getting ahead of myself. And I am, for once, perfectly content in the now. Knowing that falling will not cause me to fall apart if this ends in a broken landing.

Make Someone Happy

"...Make just one someone happy;

Make just one heart the heart you sing to.

One smile that cheers you,

One face that lights when it nears you"

 

This past weekend I was blessed and honored to share in one of the most important days in my best friend's life. She got married to someone who handles her heart with care. Who lifts her up and makes her feel supported. Someone whose love for her is so apparent even from 200 miles away. And someone who makes her happy.

 

There were lots of babies at this wedding. Her nephew was one of them. He is quite adorable, that one.  As we were prepping the favors he was the center of attention. As most babies are in a room full of women. And I noticed one clear directive from everyone...to make him smile. Whether it was by a tickle or a game of peek-a-boo, a funny voice or an "airplane" ride. All we wanted was to hear his laugh.

 

I came to the conclusion that this is one of the most basic forms of love communication. To see another smile. However as life goes on and people age, the urgency in our efforts to make this so diminish. We get wrapped up in our own lives we no longer see a new human and want to do something to make them laugh. At least, I'd say, a good majority of people.

 

It is the people in this world who still do this, who aren't afraid to look silly and desire to work for a smile, that I am most enthralled by. They have held on to something that we can only tap into when children are around, and for some, not even then. These people do not neccesarily have to be comedians. They can simply be a kind heart who offers a smile and genuine friendly candor, or a constant stream of encouragement. But they are all open and desire joy in another.

 

Lets remember this when talking to grown-up humans. I'm pretty certain that they enjoy smiling as much as babies do and it makes you feel good to make someone happy. As the song says:

 

"Make someone happy,

Make just one someone happy,

And you will be happy, too."

Sometimes...

Sometimes...Your best friend is getting married.

You experienced a love story unfold in front of you. You got to be there when those first emails made her giggle. She would call you when her girlish ways would make her doubt her sanity (as it does for us all) She would move to be near him and you would wonder if that was a good idea. You would swallow your doubts when she gushed about the delicate way he handles her heart. And you would know she was gonna spend the rest of her life with him it was just a matter of time. And then it happens. And you spend the last 3 months in a Crazy Beautiful, Busy Poor, & Lovely Stressed state for her big day...Sometimes

Sometimes...You don't want to fall in love.

Despite the love you've witnessed the aches you experienced make you want to stay single. You know it's easy here. No one to answer to. You spend months being solidly solitary. Bravely by yourself. Heroicly healing. You are positive that the reason you want to be alone has to do with not being hurt. But then...

Sometimes...You just don't want to hurt someone else

You learn that the reason you want to be alone has less to do with a gaurd against others but protecting them from you. You are afraid that if you love again that horrible version of you will resurface. You do not like her. You rather loathe her. She lives in a world of expectation and cries a lot. Her daggered tongue is so uncomfortable in your mouth & biting it hurts two-fold. You know she has been put away, but you are still afraid of her reach...sometimes.

Sometimes...You don't want to get out of the car

You think about her and how you don't want to fall in love. You are convinced it will only end badly. If banter is clever and interest is piqued you may lose the control you've sustained. Intellect is a boulder next to a deep ravine that you will surely trip on. You may be irresistible and whitty. You may not feel the same. You may have to let someone down. You don't like the idea of that. You contemplate leaving. People do it all the time. "My car wouldn't start", "I'm not feeling well." The excuses flood in as you stare at the tree in front of you. You force yourself out of the car...sometimes.

Sometimes...Everything changes

Or doesn't. Or seems to have. Or you aren't sure but you like it for now. In a week your best friend will be married. A week ago your gaurd was disarmed. Who knows what 2 weeks from now will bring, but life is always everything...sometimes.

I Love our banter Future Husband

Hi Handsome.

I love that you play along. When I offer that Pokey is a distinguished gentleman, you add on that we need to get him a top hat as soon as possible. And then we start trying out what we think he would sound like if he could really talk.

At first it starts out British. Because when we think distinguished we think Brit's. You say something like, "I would  be much obliged, Sir, if you would kindly escort me to the garden. As I have some business to attend to there." We laugh and then I kiss you because you are SO cute when you try to do accents.

I continue that maybe he speaks with a more Southern dialect. Like a classy plantation owner. "I do say, young man, that there leash aint gonna walk itself. How's about we take a stroll around. See what kind of trouble we can get into."

"But one that wasn't mean. He didn't have slaves. He would never do something like that. He treated all his workers equally," you would say. And I would, of course, agree. Pokey is too kind for that.

Except not really, He is a ferocious little pup. But that doesn't matter because we are having too much fun finishing eachother's thoughts and writing a joint story.

I love creating a world with you. In fiction and in real life.

We look over at Pokey and he is deep in the throws of passionate love with that pillow we keep meaning to throw away. We laugh. So much for the distinguished gentleman.

"Maybe a Porn Star," you say

"No, you'd be such a stage dad," I reply

You look at me with a still smile. One that says, "I couldn't be more content in this moment. You are adorable and make me laugh. And all I want to do kiss you a million times." And even though I read that from your smile, I smile back and ask "What?" You say, "Nothing." And then you kiss me.