I'm Sorry I Never let You Save Us

I started to drown in my sorrows and then I realized the life raft had been thrown our way a while ago. But at that time All I did was cling to you. Bringing you down. Forcing YOU to be submerged.

You were the one with the raft. You offered safe passage for us both. You wanted that. You deserved that. Instead I clawed at the idea of a life that was different. I had grown comfortable with the struggle. If we climbed in that boat we may lose what we had. Every wave we faced together. Not hand in hand, No, I bore the storms with you as my shield. And you let me. You wanted my safety, my affection and my approval. We survived due to your selfless sacrifices to the sea.

The water was calm and your legs were tired of treading. You had grown so strong and so full of worth. You knew that land was near and you didn't want to face another stormy ocean night. You offered me your hand to swim ashore. I loved that hand. Those hands. That vessel that had kept me safe and cared for me. But the shoreline beckoned independence. The Beach promised self sufficiency and space. Each to his own side. Each to her own place. The waves began to rock and I clutched your hand pulling you back out to the deep.

This time, you let go.

You swam with so much virility. Never looking back.

I howled at the sunset. I thrashed about reaching for you. Believing my cry would force your return. I saw you, small but powerful in the distance, stand up out of the water. You glanced back at me for just moment. Just enough to let me know that you knew I could make it there too. The darkness fell and my arms grew tired. My wail had weakened to a whimper and I felt myself slipping under.

As the sun rose I floated atop the glassy sea. Too crippled to move. I turned my head and saw the shore closer than it had ever seemed before. A wave of another kind swept over my feeble body urging its movement. Pushing me towards the place I feared. My weakness shed from me with every stroke of the water. I stood with strength at the shoreline. Just as you had. Knowledge of my worth was apparent now. You were not my savior. You were my guide. Your absence moved me to move myself. Still I longed for your hand. No, I longed to give you mine. To hold each other. No longer, one above and one below, One Floating and One drowning. Instead, walking side by side.

Into the future.