...And in that moment, I swear we were INFINITE

There was a time when I felt this way. Sometimes I still see glimpses of it. But it was those times with my best friends by my side that we were INFINITE.

We had just graduated highschool and were learning life much like Charlie. We lived life with wild abandon and with enough childlike wonder to make our transition into adulthood the most fullfilling, beautiful, invigorating experience we could imagine.

We were poor. We lived at home. I remember we all shared the book; each taking turns reading it. I was the last and I remember feeling left out when they would talk about it before I was finished.

You know that image of standing up in a convertible as it travels down a long strech of deserted highway with your arms up and maybe a scarf or just your hair blowing in the wind? That is what my life was like at that time. Full yet empty. Empty in that there was so much room for dreams and so much time to see them come true.

On any given weekend you could find us hitting the road to see our favorite artists perform in dank small venues; their sweat and ours creating a humid room filled with the joy of music and comraderie. Their art was true and real and not manufactured for the masses. At times there were a handful of fellow appreciators, at others a steady stance was needed to manuever the waves of the surging crowd. EVERY TIME was perfect. Even when I was kicked in the head or had a foot stepped on. I look back and think, "Perfection"

One time I actually lost my job to follow an Art/Music tour called Attention to Expression around California. I remember getting the call right before the last show of the tour saying if I wasn't at work the next morning I should just not show up again. Seeing as it was 7p and I was in San Francisco there was no way I was not going inside to watch the last night of that beautiful display. So I just didn't show up. I sat inside front and center and teared up as Matt Embree crooned solo on his acoustic guitar and thought to myself, "There is no where I'd rather be. I made the right choice."

Obviously at 30 I can no longer do things on such careless whim. Work is kind of important and I am no longer able to just crash on a friends parents' couch til I can find a job.

And with time the relationships that helped form me. The love that helped me know what I love was wounded. And we no longer spend long afternoons together. But that's ok. Because as the book says:

"Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody"

Life hasn't stopped and the memories have never faded. I love those times and when I think of who I'd like to be; that girl, the one who felt infinite, says:

"You can feel that way again."