Living up to your own standards

I've recently become blatantly aware of the duality I live with. I think we all have growth we'd like to achieve or a vision of the person we'd like to become. This journey is definitely a constant. But how can one live so far out of touch with the the ideals they believe in?

I believe in Love

But I am so unloving. People like to pretend that love is easy. And when I say that my faith of choice is to live out the Love Jesus taught about without necessarily adopting all of the doctrine of the Christian religion people do not hold back with what they think. "Hippie" is a title I'm attributed quite often and hypocrite is another. Somehow the thought is "You're just picking the easy parts of faith." And I have got to say, Love is in NO WAY easy. The feeling of Love is easy. Emotions come with little work. However the actions of Love are ridiculously hard.

My Love has been tested over and over again recently. Living with your boyfriend causes lots of trials and tests and a GIANT MIRROR held up to your ability to love another. And there staring back at me was this woman, selfish and biting, prideful and unforgiving. In those moments hypocrisy reigns supreme and I wonder how I can live so far off my home base.

I am painfully self aware. How did this creep passed my over ruminating nature? It left me jaw-dropped and speechless.

Then something great also happened. I snapped my mouth shut, started up the engines of my mind and realized I'm still a pretty amazing person. I may not have Love all figured out. I may lose my cool, throw things and cry uncontrollably(sometimes)but I also realize when I've done a poor job at loving that day.

The effort is what matters most. And I am never done trying. I will most likely never live up to being the perfect embodiment of Love but I will try forever to get as close as possible. This calling is hard however the alternative is harder to live with. As Martin Luther King Jr. said:

"I have decided to stick with Love, Hate is too great a burden to bear."

So today I tell myself: Bite your tongue, doubt the negative, & let things go.

How can you Love better today?