Your new best friend is you!

She comes walking in and you think, "I'm SO HAPPY to see her." Her smile lights you up and you return the gesture in abundance. As you walk along laughing and talking all you know is that she is your best friend and she makes your life better.

I get out of the car and catch a glimpse of myself in the window. "This shirt makes me look like a heffer," "I really should do my hair more often," "Make-up! Why do I neglect it so?!" I shrug my shoulders and continue on to meet my best friend. Her smile lights me up inside.


I don't know about you, but I NEVER think of my friends in a superficial way. That's what love imparts. You love them. Their heart, their character. The rest DOES NOT matter. You view your loved ones with a deeper meaning. Even thinking of disliking them or judging them based on their appearance is a seriously ridiculous notion.

So, why then, do we do this to ourselves DAILY?!

We should most definitely treat ourselves with the same tender accepting love that we offer to those around us. It should be JUST AS INSANE to look upon our form with judgement and criticism.

For some reason, when faced with a reflection, we become a shell of a person. All we see is our exterior features. We forget that we are lovely for so many reasons that are more than just what can be seen with a cursory glance.

So I call us all to remember we are more than an outward reflection. If only that mirror also flashed at you, "You are so kind", and "Your smile makes other people smile...EVERY TIME", and "Your heart is brave", Then maybe we would remember that that zit and extra weight is not what we are really made up of.

So I say look in the mirror and put content back in that superficial view of yourself. Put yourself in context. If you forego make-up say, "That sleep was SO worth it." And walk confidently through the day knowing that rest is important to you and judgement from others doesn't matter.

Judgement from yourself though, that matters. That even kills. So please battle your inner voices with positivity and love yourself the way you love everyone else. Believe me, You deserve it!

Goodbyes can be good.

I've talked before about my need to be liked.

And it's crippling affects.

However, for someone who desires approval and takes guilt on themselves to smooth things over etc. I have had people flat out say "I don't want you in my life anymore" on numerous occasions.

Is this common for friends? I understand growing apart and I've had that too. But do most people experience adult friends saying, "I'm not your friend anymore" that often?

This mentality and action was beyond my comprehension for a long time. It would literally leave me enraged when my friends would cut people off and out of their lives. I would think, "How can you compartmentalize people like that?!" and "It hurts so much to have that done, how can you be so mean to someone who still cares for you?"

When it happened to me the first time I remember thinking, "If this person, who knows me better than anyone else, thinks I'm awful and not worth it. I must not be."

(My mind is so mean, huh?!)

I have had to overcome this thought hurdle. I have had to try and reason that I am worth it every day. EVERY DAY.

Recently, it happened again. However, the conundrum was that I did everything differently. And this time, I just let them go. I didn't beg them to stay or worry myself daily with the ways to woo an ex-friend.

Don't misunderstand, I still love her very much. I just couldn't do that to MYSELF. There are days when I miss her, or see something that would look so cute in her house. I often think about my wedding (as girls do) and wonder if we'll make up and she'll be there flowers in hand crying as I walk down the aisle. Which often leads to the internal struggle of reaching out.

Then I remember, I'm not the one who left. I didn't quit.

This leads to a question:

Do you have a criteria for friends? One as comprehensive as the list you may make for a spouse? Or do you just let people in who you gel with. They may be flawed, they may gossip a little too much for your liking and tend to be greedy with food, but you just let it slide because you are friends.

I've been thinking lately that there should be a balance of the qualities you look for and forgiveness when creating a life with people. No matter what role they embody.

I have spent 31 years desiring approval and I didn't think to myself, "Hey, maybe you should decide what you want in a friend." It never occured to me that I was worthy of someone who wouldn't leave.

I have AMAZING friends. I see phenomenal qualities in people and gravitate towards them. And have felt SO BLESSED to have them in my life.

But then there are times when friends stop being friendly, and we all should have the confidence to step away if need be.

I am lucky enough to have friends who are:

Uplifting
Forgiving
Wise
Loving
Available
Affectionate
Honest
Open-minded
Funny
Intelligent
Comfortable
&
COMMITTED

In return I strive to be the same. I am chronically forgiving.

But that does not equate to letting every angry word land in my heart with the weight of the truth.

Angry words, Upset intentions and Wounded feelings are often muddled and need time to become clear.

We are all flawed. We can all be hurtful. But Love is a choice and choosing wisely whom you Love is important.

It hurts to have someone quit on you. But I understand that we all need to choose the best people for ourselves.

Everyone is not trying to hurt eachother, they are just trying to protect themselves. And there is nothing wrong with that.